FROM CHAINS TO WINGS

An attorney-turned-coach teaches readers how to rewire their brains and nervous systems in this self-help from Stephenson-Laws.

The first part of this instructional book on how to give yourself a neurological overhaul focuses on the practice of recognizing patterns through nonjudgmental awareness. Stephenson-Laws introduces the concept of “observer capacity,” or the ability to witness your physiology. In other words, she encourages separating the self from the experience (i.e., saying “I have anxiety” instead of “I am anxious”) and then explores the body’s “alarm system”: the ways the nervous system is formed through early caregiver interactions, direct experience, and cultural and family transmission. Readers also learn about the “inner protector,” whose cautionary function may prevent people from embracing the good things in life. Stephenson-Laws believes that emotions can also manifest physically, such as through jaw tension (anger), throat tightness (inability to express needs), or lower back pain (feeling unsupported). Readers are guided to return to their “neutral zones,” like earlobes, elbows, or pinky fingers, to remind themselves that they are safe. Part Two transforms this awareness into “gentle experiments” that nudge the nervous system into new territory. The author introduces the psychological concept of the “window of tolerance,” or the “zone where you can handle stress without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down,” and the factors that influence it, including sleep, hormones, anniversary reactions (e.g., responding to anniversary dates of particular traumas) and “social battery depletion.” The author distinguishes between accurate, historical, and capacity anxiety and describes the many guises of the “night guard,” which is the threat-scanning part of the nervous system that can disrupt sleep. The final chapters explore healing through healthy connection, addressing boundaries, nervous system syncing, and familial inheritance. In the end, the author emphasizes that real change is possible thanks to neuroplasticity.

Stephenson-Laws’ original approach combines neuroscience, somatic awareness, and lived experience. The reader will find plenty of practical tools to allow one to shift from reacting to responding, like the “three-step practice” of noticing, validating, and making a “tiny adjustment” to behavior. Readers are also equipped with scripts, such as engaging the inner protector with questions like, “What danger are you protecting me from?” In addition, established concepts like the “window of tolerance” are given a unique spin, such as identifying your capacity as either a “window day” (lots of capacity) or a “keyhole day” (very little capacity). More to the practical and less conceptual side of things, the author outlines helpful exercises to bring people back into their bodies, like “The Butterfly Hug,” which involves crossing the arms over the chest and tapping alternating shoulders for one to two minutes. The book also gives the cultural lenses through which to view phenomena like anxiety: “Some Indigenous communities view anxiety as disconnection from community or land rather than individual pathology.” The book’s eclectic structure includes everything from checklists and worksheets to conversation transcripts and poems, allowing readers various ways to engage with the content. However, the sheer volume of information may overwhelm readers seeking actionable advice in a more digestible format. While the author’s interactions with her son illustrate her lived experience, the deductions from said personal experience sometimes feel superfluous.

An erudite book about nervous system awareness that is too long on personal examples rather than collective solutions.